#4 It Happened in New Zealand or Was It Australia…

Intro to   Sit Down/Stand-up Comics

Now that Len and I are home again and he’s his ol’ funny self and I’m my ol’ fun self,  (Speaking of “my ol’ fun self,” guess what I found when our last package shipped by boat from Tasmania arrived in Conneaut?  My pink SOH pills! I wonder how they got in there?!  But, hey, that’s another story…and I digress),..back to the narrative… I’ve got another funny story to tell.  This story takes place late one night around the oval table at the Clansman…but first, let me set the stage…

Dateline:  Waipu, NZ…December 8th:  It’s an overcast morning, but who the hell cares?  It’s our promised Day Off and we’re going sight seeing!  With Brandon at the wheel of Belinda’s Nissan (Belinda got the short stick!  She stays behind and holds the Clansman Fort.)  Len climbs in the front and I opt for the roomy back seat.  We head north on State Highway 12.

Destination?  To visit the Kauri Museum in Matakohe (I’ll skip the details of our visit since it’s not pertinent to the story) and then continue on to see the Tane Mahuta, lord of the Waipoua Forest (This largest living Kauri tree in NZ is 2000 years old!), all in all a three hour one-way jaunt.  The conversation between Len and Brandon keeps me well amused and sometimes out-loud laughing.  Both guys have a keen sense of humor and play well off each other.

So we’re going along and going along and getting mighty close to the Tane Mahuta, when what should appear but two cuties standing at the side of the road.  “Should we give ’em a ride?” says Brandon as he turns to Len.  “Yeah, why not!” is Len’s reply.  No one asks me, but Hey, I think, why not?  There’s room for two more in the back.  So we pick up the German backpackers, and after consulting a map, Brandon agrees to give ’em a ride to Dargaville…way out of our way, but…why not?

The girl sitting next to me (I think her name is Annika) speaks pretty good English probably because, although her father is German and Germany is her homeland, her mother is Australian.  We chitchat a bit.  Both girls are circus performers: Annika is a juggler and her friend, an acrobat/tight rope walker.  They’re on holiday and heading home.

The conversation ends when we arrive at Tane Mahuta.  We pile out of the car, follow the elevated walk-way into the forest, ooo and ahhh, slap a few mosquitoes, take a few snaps (of the 2000 year old tree, not the mosquitoes), chitchat a bit, slap a few more mosquitoes, then return to the car.  The girls graciously thank Brandon for the offer of a ride to Dargaville, but for reason unknown (at least to me)  decline…so…we part company and head home.

The stage is now set for the evening’s entertainment!

 The Sit down/Stand-up Comics

Conviviality is in high gear as the four of us gather at the Clansman oval table.  Belinda is drinking rum ‘n’ Coke and giggles…a lot; Brandon is drinking beer, slurs his words (or is it just his Kiwi accent??) and adds more rum to Belinda’s drink when she’s not looking…a lot; I’m drinking straight Bailey’s, sit at the end of the table, observe the goings on and cackle…a lot; Len is drinking whatever’s available, adds more rum to Belinda’s drink when she’s not looking…a lot…and…ready, set, Go, boys!

Len:  Tomorrow we’re gonna go out an’ with a big red magic marker where it says “Clansman”…at the end we’re gonna say “ania”…ClansmaniaWe can all wear shirts that say “Clansmaniacs.” (laughter!)

Brandon:  We picked up some German backpackers today.  One was a juggler and one was an acrobat.

Len: Yeah…I asked them if they were clowns.

Brandon: Cirque du Soleil!

Len:  We lost any chance of impressing them right there…The temperature in the car went down about 10 degrees…I saw a knife go right past me.  (rolling laughter By the way, Belinda, you got a chip in your windshield.

Belinda:  Oh, great!  Did it happen today?”

Len :  Yeah…It was the knife!  (non-stop, rolling laughter!)

Brandon:  You need to write your stuff down.  Can I use your material…please?

Len:  You can have it.  I get 20% for being your writer.  I don’t have to stand on stage.  I get to sit in the audience with a bimbo and say, “I wrote that stuff.  He’s just a schmuck.”

Brandon:  Done deal!  No…50%…come on!

A brief interlude to let the laughter die down and pump up the alcohol…

Brandon sits down and does his stand-up:

Brandon:  I’ve got another funny one for you.  You know all the songs that have the word “love” in it?  You change “love” to “drug” like (lapses into song) I just Called to Say I Drugged You.  The Drug Boat! It will soon be sailing ta da…any song with “love” in it…It works!  (crazy, crazy laughter!)

Len:  Keep it going…I’ll get the karaoke machine!

Brandon:  Subliminal marketing…love is a drug, isn’t it?!

Gina:  Raucously, uproariously cackling is heard to sing: I Just Called to Say I Drugged You…Bill Cosby!  (Cosby is in the news being accused of drugging young women in order to have sex with them some 25-30 years ago.  She just made the connection!)

Len:  Just stand on the stage and read the titles of #1 love songs.  There’s a comedy sketch right here!  (Len does a quick Google search)

Len:  Fifty Ways to Leave Your Drugger…Here you go…Silly Drug Songs...the name of a song and an album…and that’s a World Tour, folks!…The Drug Shack…Torn Between Two DruggersDrug, Drug Me Do…What’s Drugs Got To Do With It?

Gina:  My ribs are hurting!  (Bursts of uproarious laughter can be a real killer!)

Len:   Here’s a Part-time Drugger…And here’s a family favorite: Addicted to Drugs and The Greatest Drug of All…Here’s Whitney Houston’s I Wanna Dance With Someone Who Drugs Me...The Kids on the Block…I’ll Be Drugging You Forever...

Len:  Everybody settling down?  (Are you kidding??  Non-stop, almost forever laughter!)

Len    Michael Bolton’s When a Man Drugs a Woman...Meatloaf…here you go!…I‘ll Do Anything For Drugspause...But I Won’t Do That!  (Crescendo laughter) …Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart, Sting…All For Drugs…Have You Ever Really Drugged a Woman?…I can see the lawsuits flyin’ now!…How ’bout these #1 love songs?  And we’re not even to the lyrics!...pause...That’s enough for me for a couple minutes!

Belinda:  Wow!  What a great evening!

Len:  In the business world it’s called “brainstorming”!

Brandon:  I thought it was just getting drugged with my friends.  More beer anyone??

Postscript…Unbeknownst to us, Len was recording our evening of fun, all 35 minutes of it.  Later…on a dull, boring, nothing-to-do evening, he played it back to us and…(drum roll!)… we had another Wow! What a great evening! event!!

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